So Many Improvements!

I've really come a long way these past two weeks. I'm able to do so many things that were uncomfortable to do just two weeks ago. My stamina is building, in fact we walked for hours at the state fair two nights ago and the only discomfort I felt was in my legs. My back pain has subsided quite a bit except when sitting on hard chairs -something that probably hurt my back before the surgery. A week ago it really hurt me to brush the pool, this week I brushed and vacuumed it and felt fine, I can put the fitted sheets on the beds by myself (the fourth corner has been a killer up until this week) I can walk a half mile and hope to double that by the end of next week. (not sure if that's going to happen, though) I successfully wrestled two cats to the vet (they are both fine - Ashley and I just needed to be sure after K.C.'s episode) Yesterday we spent the day by the pool and I was easily getting into and out of the lounger by the pool with no help, something that hurt two weeks ago. And here's the exciting one . . . I even layed on my stomach on the pool lounger and felt fine. (I felt a pull at the incision when I got up, but I was thrilled with that accomplishment.) Using the hoe two weeks ago hurt very much, I'm hoping it's gotten easier, too. I have two more small gardens to get cleaned up, the weeds have driven me nuts all summer, but the bulk of the weeding is done. Sleep remains my biggest challenge, but I'm feeling like myself again and I'm excited to see if I'm ready for situps. I still have to be really careful with how heavy I lift and certain twisting movements, but overall, I'm in a much better place. I have to say, though, that I am one huge bruise - being on the blood thinners has made me bruise incredibly easily. Wrestling the cats into the cat carrier did a number on my legs. (So if you see me and notice I'm looking black and blue, don't be alarmed :0) I am relieved to not feel quite so disjointed, though the connection between my sternum/ribcage and my stomach area will probably always feel off to me. God is wonderful and I'm thankful to be feeling like me again. Hope everyone is doing great and I can't wait to see the whole family in Tennessee. We are car shopping today, wish us luck, as I really feel uneasy about driving the Explorer all that way. Thank you for still checking on me!
Love to all!
Joyce

On Our Own

We left last Monday to take Tony's mom home to Pennsylvania and returned yesterday, Saturday July 5th. Words can't express the appreciation and gratitude we feel for the sacrifices and help we've received from all of the parents, mine and Tony's. It feels strange to be without them.
Some sad news . . . Our cat of 13 years, K.C., took a turn for the worse around 4 AM this morning and we ended up having her put to sleep around 9:30AM. Anyone who has ever lost a pet surely understands how sad we are. I feel particularly guilty for leaving her here this week, but I had no idea she was feeling so poorly. Apparently she was hanging on for our return (Or God kept her going until we returned.) She seemed fine when we arrived home, but was breathing harder than usual at 11:30 and I awoke to her deterioration around 4 AM I stayed with her, hoping she would pass peacefully and naturally, but watching her suffer just was too unbearable - by 9:00AM we decided to help her in her passing. (I haven't gone more than 30 minutes without crying all day - reminders of her are everywhere.)
As for my recovery, I am doing well, my stamina is building and my bad days aren't nearly as bad as they were just two weeks ago. I still have a lot of trouble falling asleep and getting back to sleep if I awake in the night. I've survived three sneezes this past week - not fun. (So glad that didn't happen any sooner than this!) I begin rehab tomorrow morning (6:30-7:30AM) I'll let you know how that goes. I have to go get a tissue - K.C. would normally be trying to lay on the keyboard while I type this. I miss her terribly already!

Love to all!
Joyce

Visited the Surgeon Today

Tony's mom and I went to see the surgeon in Philly today for my one month post surgical check up. (Hard to believe it's been one month already!) He and his nurse practitioner very firmly pressed on my chest around the incision and declared my sternum very solid (I'm declaring it a little too bruised still for so much pressing!) My x rays apparently looked fine, and after answering a long list of questions that I shot at him, he released me to my local cardiologist's care. (Exciting, but also a little scarey) The hospital won't need to see me again until it's time to replace this valve (In fifteen to twenty years, hopefully, although when I was gathering my things to leave Dr. Pochettino remarked that he'd see me in about a decade - I didn't say anything, but I'm hoping it's closer to two decades.) Even though I asked a million questions, I still keep thinking of more I forgot to ask.

He released me for cardiac rehab, which I will set up locally through Dr. Singh's office. I can also drive around town to run errands. (Of course I didn't mention that I drove in and out of the city for Larue.) I'm allowed to lift up to twenty pounds now, instead of up to five. As for how things are progressing, I'm going longer periods before running out of steam, but still find that laying down and stopping for a period of time during the day is still very necessary. (Didn't do that today and I'm paying for it now, I can't sleep and I'm really restless and sore.) I'm finding the physical recovery is much easier than I had anticipated - I had expected much more pain for a much longer period of time. For pain I'm down to two advil as needed throughout the day and haven't needed the stronger meds since the first week home. I still haven't experienced my first sneeze yet, but have come close many times. (Sounds silly, but I really think God is making that possible - I usually sneeze everyday, it's been a more than a month since my last sneeze. I dread the moment it finally happens.)

I'm having a bit more trouble emotionally than I ever expected to. I assumed I'd just be so happy to be here, I couldn't possibly be sad about anything, but I'm finding that logic isn't working. I'm still wrestling with adjusting to this "new" heartbeat. My entire upper torso seems to have been implanted from someone else's body, nothing feels like it's in quite the same place. Falling asleep remains a big battle most nights, but I'm sleeping for longer periods once I do fall asleep. I can't help but think about the "next time" from time to time and it's an emotional thing for me to address. I keep thinking mom and dad made me feel like their little girl again and they did so much to help me through this. Being Ashley's mommy gave me complete and total purpose and focus on getting through this. Tony guarded me and held me up through the whole process, from the first day that we learned surgery was unavoidable. Friends and family prayed and carried me through so many trials and triumphs along this journey (And thank you so much for continuing to do so!) My greatest fear is that I'll just be a lonely old lady the next time I have to cross this bridge. I keep thinking of Gerry, my hospital roommate, who was unable to go home because there was no one to care for her so she would have to be released to a rehab facility. I just don't want that to be me.

I know, there are just so many people in the world with much more to be concerned about and I have an immense number of blessings that I am so very thankful for. I'm riding through the blue moments and savoring the energetic happy ones - I'm truely amazed at all the successes I've experienced in such a short amount of time. Thank you to everyone for your continued prayers. Life is great and God is wonderful!
Love to all!
Joyce

Sorry for the lack of communication . . .

My computer, or my modem, or both, have had issues and logging onto the internet has been a challenge. The plavix seems to have corrected the vision issues so no need to do the TEE right now (yay!) Last Friday was a big day for me, I had two doctor appointments (both said I'm recovering "remarkably well,” I lay flat on my back and on my sides for the echo (two things I thought would make me break, but turned out to be not so bad) no nap all day, and a visit with friends from work at Smith and Co. that evening. First day without a nap and lots of on the go activity - I was so happy to be feeling like things were normal again,
but . . .I wasn't feeling quite so normal for the remainder of the weekend - very sore and run down. My sister came to visit with her beautiful baby, Ava, and I was so happy to have their company for Ashley, myself, and for mom. Dad arrived on Tuesday, planning on staying through the weekend. Tony was happy to have another guy around. Judy left on Wednesday heading for Northern VA just in time for the severe storms. After the storms/tornadoes last night, Dad had to leave this morning to assess the damage at his house in Virginia. Nothing terribly serious, but some beloved landscape was damaged. He’s really been traveling a lot these past few weeks.
I visit the surgeon on June 19th and hope to be cleared for driving and rehab - so that feeling of being normal won't seem so far off. Hope everyone is well and thank you again for all your support and encouragement! We will post some pictures from the hospital soon. Stay in touch!
Love,
Joyce

My Vision

I went to Dr. Stump, an opthamalogist, yesterday. He wasn't able to see any blockages in my arteries, but was still concerned. He and Dr. Singh decided to put me on plavix for a while to be on the safe side. I will be going for an echo on Friday to determine if there is any scar tissue or other such item blocking blood flow around the surgical sight. I will also be doing a TEE (Transesophogealechocardiogram) where they do the echo with a scope down your esophogus - not pleasant, but it will give them a good look at everything. My vision is still doing very odd things, but in general I feel really well. Still getting very tired, very quickly, but I'm doing well. Thank you to everyone for your continued well wishes. Can't wait to see everyone!
Love,
Joyce

I Don't Know Where to Begin

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am overwhelmed by all the love and prayers expressed in the blog entries. (It's taken me most of the evening to get caught up.) This has been such a traumatic week for all of us. My memory of the first three days comes and goes and I am so grateful to be through the hardest parts. The goodbyes right before the surgery were absolutely excruciating. From that point on, I think I had the easy part on Tuesday. I can't even imagine how hard it was for Tony and my family to sit and wait. After saying good bye to Ashley at our house Monday night and riding off toward Philly, I worked through all the tears, called all my siblings and told them I loved them and a calm came over me that I just can't explain. It could only have been God answering prayers. I remained calm and actually slept that night in the hotel until 3 am. I had to shower with a nasty soap (I think it was 9 parts rubbing alcolhol and 1 part soap.) and then we trekked across the street to the hospital. After two very difficult good byes, I was taken to the OR and the prep began. I was handling things okay, until more and more faces peered down at me hooking different monitors and IV's into me. I had been promised happy juice to calm my nerves and requested that they let it flow as soon as possible. That's all I remember. I can't place the moment I awoke in ICU, it's very fuzzy, but when I did, the tubes in my throat were the worst form of torture I could have imagined. I was most afraid of the ventilator going into the surgery, and it proved to be a very ugly beast. They won't remove the tubes until you are fully awake and breathing on your own. I fought very hard to wake up, but it was so hard. They only let two people in to see me at a time. I kept dozing off, no matter how hard I tried to stay awake. Each time I started to gag, the nurse had to push the tubes in farther. (Not exactly helping, but I'm sure there was a medical reason.) At one point I started requesting paper and pen to write notes. The nurse was preparing to give me more sedatives and they were discussing leaving the breathing tubes in for the rest of the night. My brother, Buddy, finally figured out that I wanted paper and pen and a very interesting correspondence began. My parents saved the paper for me and I read over the notes this morning. (It was very surreal, as I don't remember much of it.) I was actually cracking jokes! I told the nurse not to give me sedatives and asked for her to put caffeine in my IV instead. Tony and his Dad (God love them) they were trying so hard to keep me awake by gently rubbing my arms. (Talk about putting a sleepy person to sleep in a hurry!) I was getting so frustrated. I wrote them notes to pinch me. (They wouldn't oblige!) I remember Mark and Jessica coming to say good bye and I was so amazed that everyone had stayed so long (Like I had any idea what time it was, it just seemed like weeks had passed!) Tony kept telling me visiting hours were over and I couldn't believe he wasn't able to stay with me. The nurse was very sweet and let him stay until I could get the tubes out. Not sure how long the fight for coherence went on, but I vaguely remember her pulling the tubes out and smiling. I remember trying to talk and my voice was so weak and hoarse. I don't remember much else from ICU until the tubes were removed the next day. (What a gross experience that was - I'll spare you the details) The guy that was assigned to move me from ICU to a new room was in training. I tried to be encrouaging, but my morphine had run out and his technique needs some work. I didn't even look out the window at my Philly view until the last morning in the hospital. I was really sad that they wouldn't let Tony stay the night with me in that room, either. It was a long and miserable night. My blood pressure kept dropping really low and far more than the usual once an hour wakings from people with needles, thermometers, and blood pressure guages insued all night long. I kept asking each new face that appeared by my bed, "Is this normal?" They each assured me everything would be okay. I was so glad when the sun came up. I began having migraines from the moment I awoke in ICU and they continued my whole time in Philly. I only remember about 5 minutes of all the time Karen spent with me. Karen, I can't thank you enough for bringing my baby to me, and Cathy - I'm so sorry you were sick, but I can't wait to see you when you are better-thank you for being so willing to bring her, too. I remember someone removing my bandages while Karen was there and I recall saying the scar reminded me of the zoom, zoom road. Looking at it now, it is pretty straight - really ugly, but straight. I also learned that Karen is very good at fibbing. She said I looked really good (I had to be nasty!) Some nurses are sweet, others, not so much. The nursing assisntants didn't seem to take much pride in their work and wouldn't help me get washed off in the morning. I did the best I could, but I that's not saying much. It was thought that the morphine was causing the migraines, so they took me off morphine Thursday night and forgot to replace it with something. (Loooooooong night!) It didn't look hopeful that I'd be going home soon, I could barely move and I had bloated up with so much water, it hurt just to move my arms and legs, much less lift them off the bed.) I finally received a pain killer 10 AM the next morning and was a world better within an hour. Amy, your comment about WW cracked me up. The silver lining in all of this was supposed to be that I'd finally lose a few pounds and when I stepped on the scale and they said I had gained 30 pounds I about fell over. (Tony had a really good laugh about that one.) I've almost gotten all of the water weight back off, but I doubt I'll be dropping anything extra. :-) Hard to believe you can eat broth for a week and still be heavier at the end of it! I must have been feeling a whole lot better by Friday night, because all I could think about was steak and potatoes. I sat up all night staring out the window feeling my heartbeat. I could see the hotel my family was in from my window and I kept trying to figure out how I could get from my room to them. I was getting very weirded out by my heart beat. (Sounds ungrateful, and I don't mean to be at all.) When I try to just sit quietly I am unable to because my whole body shakes. It literally feels like I'm sitting on top of a subway station, like a train is plowing right through me. It just goes to show how weak my valve had become. It will be a while before I'm used to the volume this new one produces. Everyone that came to check my vitals had to hear how much I wanted to go home and they all said I had to see what the doctor's said in the morning. One of the nicest nurses, Sue, gave me something very strong to knock me out, I'm sure so she could get some peace. I slept in the chair all night and woke up at 5:30. I called my husband and told him to come and get me. "I can't, I'll be over at 11:00" I tried to explain that I couldn't stay another night. That the smell was disgusting. (hospital smell - never noticed it until Friday night and then couldn't stand it) I waited in the hall for the doctors to make their rounds and follwed the nurse practitioner around until she got off the phone. As soon as she did, I announced, "I want to go home" She said okay. When I called Tony back and told him to come and get me he thought I had dreamt it. He sent my mom over to see if I was losing it and by the time she came in I was pulling things out of my bag to get her to help me shower. It was a long morning and a long ride home, but I am so glad to be here! One complication that has occurred is my vision is doing very strange things and I'm starting to think my migraines at the hospital weren't really migraines at all. Many people develop micro embolysims after being on the heart/lung machine during open heart surgery and it is quite possible I have developed them as well. I have been in communication with my Doctor in Delaware (Dr. Singh) and will be seeing an opthamalogist tomorrow to determine if there are embolysims present and if I need to be placed on blood thinners to avoid a stroke. I will add another entry tomorrow night to let you know what I find out. As for me taking it easy - I really have no choice. Tony has been so protective and I am just going to enjoy all of the care and concern. It's wonderful to have Mom here, though I know she is missing Dad. I would like to end with a very sad message to my Aunt Maureen and all of her family. I am so sorry for the loss of Diane and I wish I could be with Dad for the funeral. (He and mom were pretty stern in their refusal to let me go.) I love you and will be praying for you as you go through the difficult days ahead.
Thank you so much to everyone for caring. We are humbled by the outpouring of love. I look forward to seeing everyone and showing off my really ugly scar :-) I love you all so much!!!
Joyce

Great News-Mom's Home today!

Mom came home today thank godness! She is up and walking fine today and is a little tired today but she is glad to be coming home today. She couldn't stand the smell of the hospital any longer. Thank you guys for all your comments. If it wasn't for you guys mom would still be in her hospital bed right now.
Ashley